Sunday, 31 December 2017

Can positive be negative?..........

Normal life throws all sorts at each of us, hopefully a fair mix of good and bad stuff. For so many of these things we don't have control as to what happens but we often have choices for how we deal with them.

This seems especially true for medical issues and I've always tried to be educated and informed about whatever effects me personally but definitely choose not to worry about what may or may not happen as I feel it is wasting my "enjoyment of life now time" because I'm worrying about something that may happen in the future.

Not sure if I've explained that clearly enough. As some of you may know I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time in August with surgery not happening till mid-November with no other treatment in between. Everyone kept saying how brave I was being for carrying on as normal, I didn't feel brave. I didn't mind talking about it but certainly didn't want it to be the main conversation or people making a fuss when there was nothing happening to make a fuss about. I did hate the thought of surgery and the painful recovery but there was nothing I could do about it, I needed the tumour removed so "grin and bear it" as they say.

Surgery went well, with all medical staff repeatedly telling me that it was a really major procedure and I would be in a lot of pain for a long recovery. I chose to focus on the fact that now retired it didn't matter how long it took, and how very lucky I am to have the best hubby/carer/domestic goddess by my side.

I've really appreciated all the support from family and friends. Being swamped with flowers, cards and gifts, constant messages and feeling so loved. It's very humbling. I'm a very lucky lady indeed.

Six weeks on now and I had the post-op followup at the hospital. The registrar's first words were "you are looking so well" and he was really pleased with the scar and my recovery. Histology report was that it was definitely a cancerous tumour and they confirmed that it was removed in full yaay! I'll be referred back to Ipswich Hospital for ongoing monitoring, so nobody wants to see me till my next CT Scan in six months time.

Obviously I've spread the news to family and friends and the replies back were all on the lines of......amazing can now really have a happy new year.......what a relief.......that's excellent news.......I expect you are both over the moon.......I'm so relieved you must be too......I'm so pleased, you must all feel so's been such a worrying time for you must think ahead without that hanging over you!

In fact one friend wrote "you have borne this so bravely, a real strong woman, I'm very proud of you"! Certainly don't feel brave as there was no other way for me to deal with this. Thankfully Hubby and our children act the same, or at least they do around me.

So now I'm actually feeling a little cheated. To feel great relief implies I've felt great worry, which I haven't. I didn't allow it to be hanging over me when we holidayed in Spain in September and Crete in October. It was good going into hospital relaxed and tanned, just a shame the surgeons got to see the white bits hahaha.

Actually I'm not even sure why I've felt the need to write this down at all. Yes I'm really pleased the uninvited guest is gone and we can all get back to normal (whatever normal is) and maybe it's just the end of another year that's made me publicly acknowledge how lucky I am.

Wishing good health and happiness to you all for the year ahead.


Michelle said...

Love all of this. Maybe you wrote it down to draw a line under it? Wonderful to go into 2018 with the results as you (and everyone who knows you) want to hear. I was certainly happy to read them!

The bravery thing is odd. It's often used in situations over which no choice is really given. When I've been told I was brave it was when I couldn't see a different way forward and that was the only option. If a less traumatic/painful path would've led to the same outcome I would've taken it for sure.

Much love to you xxx

MumB / @mumbosh said...

Thanks Michelle. Love you too for your insights and comments. Fingers crossed we don't have too many situations we need to be brave for! xxx